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Awake with every mourning,
loose the stardust eyes.
Pardon the captive thoughts of truth
oppressed by the reigning lies.

Sorrow, rest your head at night
the stars will still be there.
So close your eyes, they’ve seen enough
perhaps more than you could bear.

Perspective’s a bitch, perspective’s a lover. Stained glass eyes, exchange for another. Thoughts malicious, thoughts that are kind. The simply complex state of mind.

ef..and then the dreams came

tonight as been so gracious to spare me from its games
the nostalgia, the memories, the mentioning of certain names
demonic hugs, the devils kiss, bears no charm tonight
as darkness loses vanity by slumber in light of light

You say things that sound nice but the strength of your words falters at the ear lobes.

Your diction and accent change as the people around you do but you’re pleasant.

I’m thankful that you came into my life. You helped me through all this.

I don’t want to hate you. You weren’t the blade that scarred me. You were the hand that pressed.

I have a strange hope for you.

And I could care less about you.

And you. I could write a thousand words to you right now but I keep it to myself. Because that is my place. We are slowly forgetting each other.

I’m curious about you. So unnecessarily professional haha.

I wonder what you think but it’s odd for me to ask.

People I know

once me and my friend put our cat on a chair and spun the chair around really fast for a while. When i put the cat down you could tell it’s head was spinning because it’s head would zip from left to right as if the images it saw were still spinning (pretty much looks like it’s having a mild seizure).

i tied a string and and bell around its body and it started twirling in circles chasing it for, i swear, 10 seconds straight, plopped down and did the whole mild seizure thing again.  I thought it was humorous but then it reminded me of you.

and then i missed you

and then toulouse started spinning again

and then you said

“cool story bro”

i’ve scrolled down to my very first post, skimmed and read a few on the way up. It was interesting..the memories behind some of the posts.  They became vibrant and filled with color again with the recanted words.

this consumed the past hour of my life…aish

stay above the waters, underneath the sharks are stalking
fly above the clouds, anything less is to fall
walk around the holes, inside burn the devils
play the game well and tomorrow will come.

ennu-i asked: hi sam, cute cat, what's its name?

his name is toulouse, named after the cat from aristocats, who was named after a french painter. he’s hiding behind my laptop screen right now..not sure why he does this.

Sorrow and weeping. Suicide and contemplation. Congratulations big brother on graduating. Do you ever wonder how long little brother will be around?

I wonder if baby boy will remember uncle. Maybe just stories to tell for baby girl. How little brother decided to share his broken heart with everyone.

My mind and heart suffer, only the body carries on.  This is being empty.

everything i’ve built up to save myself comes crashing at these images and then the thoughts come back like old friends

but they’re devils..

and then i look at my white knight and his trusted blade, and remember the promise i made to you..but then i keep asking myself what does it even matter anymore? When there isn’t even anything left. Will i pretend there is something when i don’t even get the thoughtfulness of a word or reply?

resisting this hatred..this murder in me. i won’t die but i’ll play.

i thought i had overcome this hell in my life. you don’t know what it’s like and you don’t even care to know. it’s a perpetually new kind of pain.